I HAD A HIPPOPOTAMUS

With the recent launch of the BBC Poetry Season, I am delighted to say that I have been reminded of the pleasures to be found in poetry and to regret that in the modern world there is little enough time for it in our lives.

As a child I enjoyed poetry from a very young age and have struggled to find a copy of one of my favourite childhood poems - The Piffle Poffle - it featured in my first ever poetry book - Happy Landings published by Zebra Books in 1971. If aonyone has a copy and can post the verse here I would as the last line of the poem states... 'be a friend for life'.

I have, however, been able to locate two other favourites from that time of my life. The first can be found in Spike Milligan's Book of Milliganimals published in 1968 and the second in Evan's Book Of Verse, published in 1972.








Silly Old Baboon by Spike Milligan



There was a baboon
Who one afternoon
Said I think I will fly to the sun
So with great palms
strapped to his arms
he started he takeoff run


Mile after mile
He galloped in style
But never once left the ground
You’re going too slow
said a passing crow
Try reaching the speed of sound


So
he put on a spurt
My God how it hurt
both the soles of his feet caught on fire
As he went through a stream
There were great clouds of steam
But he never got any higher


On and on through the night
both his knees caught alight
clouds of smoke billowed out of his rear!!!
Quick to his aid
Were the fire brigade
They chased him for over a year

Many moons passed by
Did Baboon ever fly
Did he ever get to the sun
I’ve just heard today,
he’s well on his way
He’ll be passing through Acton at one.




PS - well, what do you expect from a baboon











I Had a Hippopotamus by Patrick Barrington


I had a hippopotamus; I kept him in a shed
And fed him upon vitamins and vegetable bread.
I made him my companion on many cheery walks,
And had his portrait done by a celebrity in chalks.


His charming eccentricities were known on every side.
The creature's popularity was wonderfully wide.
He frolicked with the Rector in a dozen friendly tussles,
Who could not but remark on his hippopotamuscles.

If he should be affected by depression or the dumps
By hippopotameasles or hippopotamumps
I never knew a particle of peace 'till it was plain
He was hippopotamasticating properly again.

I had a hippopotamus, I loved him as a friend
But beautiful relationships are bound to end.
Time takes, alas! our joys from us and robs us of our blisses.
My hippopotamus turned out to be a hippopotamissus.

My housekeeper regarded him with jaundice in her eye.
She did not want a colony of hippopotami.
She borrowed a machine gun from her soldier-nephew, Percy
And showed my hippopotamus no hippopotamercy.

My house now lacks the glamour that the charming creature gave.
The garage where I kept him is as silent as a grave.
No longer he displays among the motor-tires and spanners
His hippopotamastery of hippopotamanners.

No longer now he gambols in the orchard in the Spring;
No longer do I lead him through the village on a string;
No longer in the mornings does the neighborhood rejoice
To his hippopotamusically-modulated voice.

I had a hippopotamus, but nothing upon the earth
Is constant in its happiness or lasting in its mirth.
No life that's joyful can be strong enough to smother
My sorrow for what might have been a hippopotamother.

FLEEGLE, BINGO, DROOPER AND SNORKY...

Are you old enough to remember The Banana Splits? Which one was your favourite?

I must admit to Fleegle being mine. I wonder if it was the ears??? Or might it have been his fireman's helmet? There is something about a man in uniform...

For those of you who claim to be too young to remember, the Banana Splits were a fantastic, if rather disturbing, bunch of animals (well men in furry suits really), who shared a house and it seemed to me had life pretty much sewn up (excuse the pun).

You can find out everythingyoucouldeverneedtoknowaboutbananasplits by clicking on the following link;

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banana_Splits


And now for more banana related musings.

Despite cookery lessons from my mother, baking has never really been my strong suit...

Don't get me wrong, I can just about rustle up an edible meal without the need for hospitalisation, but when it comes to traditional homebaking of cakes, breads and biscuits, I'm just not up to the task in hand.

This wasn't a great help when I found myself with some rather sad looking bananas nestling up to the apples and limes in the fruit bowl. I knew they were pas their best bad when Hubby stopped taking them to work after Wednesday.

So, what does a girl do when faced with such a dilema?



I had already established that blackbirds don't like bananas so in desperation I decided to thumb through my cookery books to see if they held any clues as to what I could make with them.

Hallelujah! Queen Delia Smith came to my rescue with her All In One Banana and Walnut Loaf!

Attracted to the 'all in one' aspect of the recipe I decided that this might just be simple enough for me to try. The less science involved the better chance I stood of some kind of success.

So I began by finding all of the relevant ingredients, well I had most of them, who needs an orange and a lemon zest after all? I chucked in a few sultanas instead (nobody would know) and who really can tell the difference between a large and a medium sized egg? Apart from a chicken?

With simplicity being the watchword, everything just got mixed up a bit and poured into a loaf tin. OK so I had a near miss with the pouring element of the procedure but most of it went in the tin. At least more went in than all over the kitchen surface so that had to be a good thing.

I carefully placed my handywork in the oven, set the timer and waited, and waited and waited. When the buzzer went after 55mins I slowly opened the door to see that it had at least risen. Although it did look rather anaemic. So I shut the door and waited for a further 10mins after which things were looking a lot more promising.

I almost pulled a muscle taking the loaf out of the oven. It was not exactly what you would call lighter than air. I reckon it weighed as much as a housebrick but it did at least look vaguely edible and do you know, when we cut into it the next day I was pretty impressed with myself.

Here's a photo. What do you think?




Feeling hungry? Make your own by checking out Delia's idiot proof recipe below. If I can do it, anyone can do it.

Happy Baking!

Hx


http://www.deliaonline.com/recipes/banana-and-walnut-loaf,1090,RC.html

LIFE IS LIKE WAITING AT A BUS STOP...

Sometimes life is all or nothing....don't you find?

Maybe it's just me but life seems to go in waves and there doesn't seem to be any logic as to why.

Since losing my job in February I have been focusing on getting my own business off the ground and that has been a slow and sometimes difficult process. Don't get me wrong, it's a great thing to be doing but it has required me to change significantly in order to achieve anything. And I'm still changing.

As we all know change can be a difficult thing to deal with and without the support of friends and family it can be quite stressful too!

Until now I have always been able to 'hide' behind the company I have worked for and use it as a 'mask' but now as a budding 'entrepreneur' I am my business and that can be challenging.

Despite being reasonably gregarious, I often struggle when I walk into a room of complete strangers and I for some reason seem to have set myself up to do exactly that on three different occasions this week alone!

What am I? Mad?

Tonight I am off to a public speaking group for the first time and don't really know what to expect. apart from sweaty palms.
http://www.the-asc.org.uk/.

Thursday sees me making my first visit to the local WI (apparently I am not too young any more) http://www.thewi.org.uk/

and on Friday I am off to a Chamber Networking group.http://www.shropshire-chamber.co.uk/

They say it is all character building and we can all do with a bit of that from time to time but I wonder if I am the only person who struggles with a room full of strangers or whether everyone else feels the same way?

I guess the only way to find out is to ask them...

A FEAR OF FALLING THINGS...

Getting out and about to see live theatre or music is something that Hubby and I tend to do in fits and starts. For example, we don't go to the theatre for months on end and then, lo and behold, find ourselves perched in flip up seats 3 times in a month. All or nothing - that's us...

Last weekend, in the absence of any decent films being shown in our area we decided to check out what other delights North Shropshire had in store for us and sadly were left wanting.

Luckily for us North Wales did have something to tempt and tantalise at Clywd Theatr Cymru in Mold. Just a stones throw over the border from home and very much accessible to us it seemed like our best bet for a bit of culture.

The piece in question has the rather strange title of 'A History of Falling Things' and is a modern love story written by the young modern playwright,James Graham.

Find out more at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7HjjDFsBqU

The synopsis gave little away other than to inform us that the 'lovers' in question shared a common condition know as Keraunothnetophobia - the apparently real fear of man made satellites falling from the sky. Honestly, check it out at:

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/keraunothnetophobia

In a nutshell, despite their incarceration the couple meet on the internet and fall in love and therein lies the tale...

Now, you may not be aware but Hubby and I met on the internet (sad innit?). Fortunately neither of us suffered from keraunothnetophobia. In fact the only phobias we admitted to (apart from mine of spiders and his of spending money :-)) was a fear of chatting up people in bars and clubs. To be honest I didn't like it when I was young, free and single never mind when I was older, free and divorced.

Therefore I have a lot to thank www.loveandfriends.com for. They found me my Chubby Hubby and found him a Fruit Loop and they only forced me to meet one other nutcase in the process. Not bad eh? I reckon I got off lightly.

Pre Hubby I had always found the idea of internet dating to be a weird phenomenon. I often wondered why members didn't just put on their glad rags (and perhaps a wig) and go out and meet people? Why didn't they just join a gym? Join a flower arranging group? Take up juggling? Anything really. Anything that gave them the ability to meet likeminded people who may or may not be the next 'love of their life'.

In truth, hypocrite that I am and having found myself ready 'available'again afer a long term relationship I must admit that I was drawn to the anonymity of internet dating. Don't get me wrong, I did sign up for evening classes, I did go out to places where 'likeminded individuals' might be hanging around. In fact the only things I didn't do were to participate in singles sessions at Sainsburys and to get a dog to walk on a Sunday morning.

To be perfectly honest I hated every moment of being single again. The evening classes were full of single women (tip there for the boys I guess), the theatres full of couples and the bars full of drunks. What is more I can't bear dogs and didn't really want to spend loads of money on fine wine, vegetables and lentils in order to try and attract wine drinking vegetarians with a wind problem to my pantry.

Safe to say, I survived the experience, found my lovely Hubby and was reminded, by the play, that whilst the fear of falling satellites is more than ridiculous, true love really can be found on the internet.

GARDENING AS A HOBBY? STILL WAITING FOR IT TO GROW ON ME...

Despite coming from a family of gardening experts mysteriously the gardening bug just hasn't bitten me.

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing I love more than a beautifully laid out and well manicured vegetable or flower garden. To see the way that creative gardeners manage to make you stop and admire their work. To sample the hard earned harvest of super fresh vegetables and fruits, or indeed the sight of an unkempt vase of English Garden flowers.

In truth, Hubby and I (despite our tender years) often enjoy summer Sunday afternoons dodging pairs of spinsters and groups of dutiful offspring accompanying their parents to the local 'Garden Open Day'. We quite enjoy marvelling at the work of those who have a remarkable skill that just hasn't sprouted in our minds.

At home we have a simple 'courtyard garden'. Not very big, lots of pots, mostly full of moss and/or weeds, an air raid siren (yes), and the obligatory garden furniture and BBQ that get used maybe once or twice a year.

There are two planted raised beds which have a host of shrubs and bushes. Some inherited, some purchased and planted by us in a heady moment of domesticity and middleagedness.

Don't get me wrong, some of these shrubs and bushes are beautiful, probably because we never, ever, touch them.

However, a couple of weeks ago, after seeing 'The Little Shop of Horrors' Hubby and I decided that we simply must do something about the 'monster plant' that was taking over. It had somehow managed to reduce the size of our garden by about 1/3rd and was showing no sign of holding back any time soon.

So, we attacked it, as only Hubby and I can. Without ANY skill, delicacy or strategy. We just attacked it as if the survival of the world was wholly in our hands and we had been 'chosen' to slay the monster!!!

It put up a good fight but there was no stopping us.... we simply had to win!

Covered in sweat, leaves, scratches and bugs and after filling two wheelie bins and three black bags with branches, leaves and bits of tree, we had to stop (lucky for us). No, not because we had won, nor because we were knackered and in need of wine (although we were). No we had to stop because we had unearthed a nest.

Unsurprisingly, after the noise we had been making there was nobody at home in the nest but there were 5 egg and that meant stopping.

Having kept cats for many years the novelty of a nest in our garden was so, so exciting. We just hoped we hadn't messed things up by our pathetic attempt at saving the world.

Needless to say we downed tools straight away and did our best to rearrange what was left of the 'monster tree' to afford the nest some privacy and safe coverage. This we seem to have managed with some success because fortunately, later in the day, when we had retired to the chilled Sauvignon Blanc, the Blackbirds returned and have been sitting, in shifts, ever since.

The whole experience has awakened my maternal instinct and I have spent the last two weeks monitoring the comings and goings at 'Chez Blackbird'. There has been the odd fight with a crow who got to close, unexpected rain showers which resulted in rather soggy birds and to be honest the battling winds of last night didn't do much to improve the remaining branches surrounding the nest.

Throughout all of the above I have been feeding the expectant family on a feast of vegetation and have managed to determine that when it comes to blackbirds, their least favourite food is bread and, it seems the RSPB agree.

http://http://www.rspb.org.uk/advice/helpingbirds/feeding/whatfood/scraps.asp

Our particular blackbirds seem to like apples (gala seem to be their favourite), new potatoes (lightly roasted in olive oil and allowed to cool) , carrots (batons cooked al dente, if you please) and most remarkably cabbage (savoy, shredded and steamed of course). Today I am experimenting with banana (fair trade) and will record my finding accordingly.

You may think that I am over reacting to having a nest in the garden, perhaps I am, until recently even the sight of a bird anywhere near the garden was unheard of. So having a nest all of our own really brightens my day. Nature is a truly remarkable thing.

At the risk of sounding like Bill Oddie on Springwatch; I'd love to hear your stories about your garden and what makes it special for you.

REALITY TV GETS A MIXED RECEPTION IN OUR HOUSEHOLD...

Being fascinated by people and their various idiosyncrasies I am a huge fan of any real life documentary and many of the 'Reality' programmes that are broadcast here in the UK.

Now when it comes to my hubby and reality TV, well ne'er the twain shall meet. We are now at the stage where he cannot watch Big Brother or The Apprentice and even Grand Designs can be raise blood pressure on certain occasions. According to him Big Brother contestants are all exhibitionists (yes they are), Grand Designs families are trying to build the world for a fiver (yes they are) and in The Apprentice he finds S'Rallan somewhat disingenuous and the contestants unpalatable for a whole number of reasons (and that's why I love it!).

To preserve sanity and the china, these days we have to record The Apprentice so that I can watch in back in peace and quiet at my leisure. If you have tried it, you will know that it is no fun sitting next to someone who huffs, puffs and constantly shouts at the TV for the best part of an hour.

I on the other hand find the individuals fascinating...

OK, so they all have massively inflated egos and show a distinct lack of manners yet, for some some reason believe that these are the qualities that will bring them success in life.

OK, so they all believe that they know everything to know at the age of 23 (didn't we all?).

OK, so the programme is edited for dramatic effect, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know...

All that said, I personally cannot remember an occasion (other than perhaps when drunk) that I thought it might be beneficial to my cause to raise my voice above everyone else in the room (including S'Rallan) simply to get my life threateningly important point across.

For me The Apprentice is more than simple entertainment.

Incredibly, it reminds me of qualities I have (mostly good) that I often forget to be proud of. It highlights to me how easy it is to disregard other peoples feelings in order to 'win the point'. It gives me the opportunity to remember what fear of failure can do to people.

But... most importantly and most fortunately it is a Reality TV programme that reminds ME to be REAL.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/apprentice/

On a completely different level, we were both reminded how REAL LIFE can be almost UNREAL for some. Hubby and I were both captivated and humbled by the families in last night's 'Born To Be Different' on Channel 4 at 9pm.

This incredible programme tracks the past 12 months of six children with various special needs and disabilities that they have been tracking since they were all born 9 years ago

These families have incredible stories to tell and the bravery of the children and their parents just blew me away. Despite rounds of operations and mountains of medication these children seem somehow able to find the best in life and to focus on it.

Every one was amazing but my heart was particularly torn by the remarkable parents of one child. He, as a result of his special needs, is often particularly demanding and this results in a challenging life for the whole family.

However, unbelievably when we learned that his already 'worn out' mother (who seems to survive on no sleep at all) has now been diagnosed with MS we were both rendered speechless and to be honest felt rather ashamed at our simple uncomplicated and often selfish life. This woman, and her husband projected a totally matter of fact reaction to this development.

She showed no hint of self pity for what life had 'dealt' her and with the support of her husband demonstrated nothing but absolute determination to 'get on with life' and care for their children come hell or high water.

Truly, truly incredible people - all of them.

http://www.channel4.com/health/microsites/B/born_to_be_different/index.html